Its all about the Ragnar

This weekend my team, Got The Runs, and I finished another Ragnar Relay Race. It is a 200 mile race, with 12 people and 2 vans, that has you run through the night, in the cold, in a van with 5 other people, some you may or may not know. You get used to the smell of sweat, dirty shoes, "the runs", and you become close friends with these crazy people.

You never know what outfit you will see when you come across a runner on the road. Guys or girls wearing tutus, guys wearing banana hammocks, and just wild crazy costumes. Volunteers dressed up like pirates, pumpkins, and cheering you on. Meeting other teams and becoming friends with them. Seeing people running and blasting music to cheer them on. That's what Ragnar is about. However, hearing Call Me Maybe was displeasing.

Definitely one of the best experiences you can have, crossing that finish line as a team, with everyone there cheering. It's a defining moment. The race isn't about competition or killing a time, its about fun, running, team work, supporting other teams, and having the best time that you can.

I know that I never would have gotten into running or these events, if it wasn't for those crazy people on Got The Runs. I'm glad I joined them last year, and hope there are more events in the future. Bring on the challenges!!

Hallway of Doors

The last few weeks have been tough. A lot of failure and disappointment. It made me lose sight of things. I couldn't enjoy what was right in front of me. It was coming to the point where I thought that there was no hope left and I was to the point of giving up. Throwing in the towel and realizing how my life is going to be.

I've lived the nomad life for a long time. Always saying good bye to people, not staying in one place to long. Don't get me wrong, I've been many places and seen a lot that people don't get to. I'm very greatful for that. It has made me who I am today. But there was always something missing. Something that lots of people had that is didn't. But I chose to keep moving.

When I finally realized I should stop doing that, it seemed too late. The older I got the harder it was to find jobs and relationships. I feared that my life was going to go back to what it was. And it did again for a while. I was scared that I was too late and that's how my life will go. I started to accept that. Told people that its what I am and I can't change that.
Every once in a while things would be going great. And as soon as I settled into being happy and enjoying it, it would be taken from me. It felt like someone had a personal vendetta against me and was just teasing and laughing at me. I asked God what I did wrong and how can I fix it to make it better. It seemed like I never got an answer. So I accepted that that's how it will always be.

As many of you know and have seen my Facebook status, I finally have an opportunity. I am very greatful for all the love and support you have sent to me. I can't thank you enough. The saying when one door closes, another opens. This is very true in my case.

I had a door close that I was hoping never would. Something special was in that door.  Something that made me happy and smile. When things seemed down, I knew that would make everything better. It was something to look forward to everyday. It seemed perfect and too good to be true. But I was enjoying the ride. And then it closed and there was nothing I could do about it. Again I felt like that vendetta was there just poking at me and laughing. When all seemed great...poof...gone. I was speaking with friends that it is just how it will always be. I could see I was giving up. And what's worse, I was accepting it.

I woke up this morning to work out and get rid of my hangover. I worked out hard and saying just focus on the race this weekend. It will help clear the mind. I finished and was drinking my protein shake and just sitting with no idea what to do when the email came. Didn't see it coming. Thankful that it did.

I was sad when that door closed. When this one opened, it made me realize that other doors will open for me soon as well. I just have to move forward. Make the best of what's being given to me. I'll look back at that closed door and think what if, but I know that someday, that closed door will always open another.

Thank you for everything and all you support. Boston, here I come.

Look Around

I sit here at this moment, writing and looking out on an empty beach. Nothing but a bunch of seaweed, seagulls, and a zillion dead horseshoe crabs. Not sure why so many crabs, but it seems like this beach is a grave yard for them. Seagulls enjoy it though!

I have had a lot on my mind lately. So I sit here and think. The peace and quiet should help right? Thinking things like What could I have done differently? Why did I chose to do certain things? If I had made other choices, how would my life be? All these things don't matter now of course because I already made the path, but sometimes I think, I wish I had done that instead. Have to live with my choices though. Regrets or not.

Not all is bad of course, as I look at this beach, my tan skin, sun bleached leg and arm hair, but what if I stayed at a certain job, what if I didn't go to some place, what if I didn't spend money doing that thing, and what if I stopped her from getting on that airplane? Too many what ifs that I cannot change now. Just have to accept the choices and mistakes I have made.

I've learned definitely. I've enjoyed life, been to some amazing places, met lots of fun people, I've loved and I've lost. That's how life is.

Gotta go out and live, not hold back on things you want, and if you love someone, don't hold it back because you probably won't get a second chance. Say it before it's too late.

So long sweet summer

So the summer season has ended here on the Cape. The weather for the last 3 weeks has sucked, and of course today, it was the most perfect day ever, and our restaurant is closed. Typical. I look back on the season and my time so far here, and ponder. I definitely didn't do a lot of things I really wanted do. But there is still time. And now with less people around here, you can actually drive places! Go away tourists and NYers!! Wait...I'm from NY. Whatever....details.

You can definitely tell when people are back. Traffic sucks, everyone drives an SUV, all the moms driving their SUVs like maniacs, sundae school is packed, and the numerous kites flying in the air. What is the big deal with kites? I don't get it. It just stays up there. How is that fun? Although I did see a guy have a kite on a fishing pole and let it up that way. Ultimate laziness there. Didn't even work for it.

Now the off season is upon us, and my time is surely to end soon. Have to get in everything now, since beach parking will be free again, and the bars and restaurants will have openings, P-town won't be so crowded, and the Wellfleet Oysterfest is coming, as well as cranberry season. Stoked about those. Pictures are sure to follow.

Job hunting has been going on like crazy. Still working on it as usual. Hire me!! I'm awesome!! Maybe that will work...no? OK. Money-wise the summer was a bust, but it has been good. A lot of self reflection and meeting lots of new people.

I leave you with this: whenever you are sad remember that you don't look like you did in the 6th grade.